I’ve discovered that is what life is. We get a huge buildup, like planning for graduation or preparing to get into our own classrooms as teachers or lining up classes for the fall semester in March, and then we wait. There is so much anxiety, stress, and excitement leading up to whatever it may be, and then we are dropped into a holding pattern, left to wait for what we want so badly.
I can be a patient person, but I hate waiting. If I have planned and prepared for something, I want it to happen right then. For example, my roommate and I have been looking for a new apartment since January. We have new furniture picked out and bought, showings lined up, even the money for the application and security deposit ready to go. Yet we still have three more days until our first showing. I am going crazy. I want it to happen right now. I am excited and nervous and while I know this will take time, I, like a four-year-old child, want it right now.
I see the same thing in my studies to become a teacher. I want to be in my classroom right now, helping students and watching them learn and light up with new ideas. I know it will come with time, and I am by no means ready right now, but that does not make me want it any less. I dread the waiting period I know lurks in the final semester of my senior year. I will be a student teacher, meaning I will not be a full teacher, but I am not really a student, either. I will be in an awkward holding pattern until I graduate and can finally be one or the other. I already notice this in the class I TA for. When I am in class, I am an extension of their professor and am treated as such. When I am not in that class, however, I am a student just like the young adults I help instruct. It is the most awkward position to be in when I run into one of my students when I am also in student mode. I am not a teacher, but in that moment, I am not a student, either. I am waiting for things to finally settle down and clear out before I can fill a definite role.
Waiting is a necessary part of success, but that does not make it easier. I just keep praying for patience as I wait for the final verdict to come.